Saturday, 13 August 2011
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I Will Never Become Anorexic For A Guy Again
When I was sixteen, my boyfriend Chris and I broke up. We fought all the time, and it was about the same topic: Joey.
Chris had rekindled his friendship/love affair with his best friend Joey (whom I left for him). This drove me nuts. Chris knew about all the nasty and untrue rumors Joey had spread around their all-boy school, knew how much Joey and I hated each other, and knew that I would never ever forgive him for lying about a fake vacation, trashing my reputation, and being an all-around terrible person.
Apparently none of these horrible actions against his girlfriend seemed to bother Chris. He made up with his stalker, I mean friend, and they hung out like nothing had happened. Boys.
I voiced my opinion about their friendship on a daily basis, and scowled every time Chris left me to go and see his friends.
After a month and a half of constantly fighting over the same thing, I finally tried to call a truce. "I'll come watch you play football today" (the big event of a 16-year-old's life). I thought I was doing him the biggest favor on earth by swallowing my pride and sharing my presence at a game that I knew he would be at.
"Nah, I don't think that's such a good idea. It's just gonna make everyone tense for no reason and make the other guys feel awkward," he said in a I-Know-Why-You-Want-To-Come tone.
My jaw dropped three feet. First, I was abandoned for the guy who hated me more than anyone on this site, and now I was banned from his stupid little football games?! What a joke.
"Who's even gonna see me?" I asked, shocked.
"Come on. We both know you'd make your presence known, Jen," he said, in that same knowing tone.
Livid, it took all that I had not to show up at the game in a goddamned cheerleading costume and full marching band.
After a couple months of torturous fighting, we finally broke up. I was the one who said it, but it was clearly mutual. We had both had enough. Even though our relationship had ended, we did what no broken up couple should do – we continued to talk and hang out.
I was so upset about losing him that I broke the cardinal rule and kissed him when I saw him. In the two weeks that we were broken up, I started dating another guy. This didn't alleviate any of my pain. Chris knew about it, and said he was fine with it, and that just made me feel worse. Why is he not crying? Why is he not threatening to kill this guy?
I was so upset about the entire situation that I stopped eating. I didn't really make an actual decision to do it or anything, it just sort of happened. My appetite diminished, and so did my body.
I'll never forget the day I sat with him and a girl called his phone. I cried so hard that I thought I would never stop. Even when we got back together, I still found myself shying away from food, my most beloved thing in the world.
I remember sitting in a restaurant with all my friends one evening, eating one baked clam and feeling full. I looked emaciated and bony. My face lost it's fullness and my cheeks started to look hollow.
My best friend and cousin finally sat me down one day after I had declined going to lunch with them. "Listen, we all know you don't eat anymore, and it's starting to scare us. if you don't start eating again, we will be forced to tell your mother. Don't test us, Jennifer."
I figured it was serious if they were pulling the full name and mom card in one slick action. I forced myself to eat salad until my stomach stretched out enough to handle real food again. To this day, I can't eat the way I used to, and I blame him for it. Ever since then, whenever I break up with a guy, I don't care how depressed or unhungry I am, I sit down with my family and make myself cut, chew, and swallow. I never do that for another guy ever again.
Have you ever stopped eating over a guy? Was it on purpose or involuntary? How did you get back on track with your life?
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About the Author
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- From: Jennifer
- Name: Jennifer
- About Me: I have had a love affair with food for as long as I can remember. Some people like to drink, some people like to party -- but nothing makes me happier than sitting down to an awesome dinner in a hip (or traditional) restaurant with my family and friends. And the more you get to know me, the more you'll realize that I would give you the shirt off my back, but never -- ever -- try and steal food from my plate! I can do mean things with a fork!
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Comments (79)
In the past I used to avoid food when I had huge drama in my life, it helped me not think about it. Now I just face the problems head on and force myself to eat even if I'm not hungry.
When my husband and I were contemplating a divorce, my healthy appetite vanished. I am a foodie, I like experimenting new crusines with him and our daughter. Since we're of a mixed marriage, I get to try things from his side of family and vice versa. Being unhappy robs you of that wonderful experience. You just want to brood and you rather eat your pride than that pie. I got over that painful period. Reading food blogs on this site gave me my appetite back.
Don't you just hate it when a guy does that to you? I got dumped and I stopped eating. My brother thought I'm going through that thinspo phrase and nagged me to eat more. I. Just. Don't. Want. To. Eat.
I lost a stone.
My brother then took matters into his own hands and set me up with a blind date at this wonderful restaurant. At first I was mad at him, but I ended up enjoying a wonderful date with a cute guy who is a real foodie. My appetite came back and I got over that stupid ex of mine.
The last thing I heard about him, he was dumped by the same girl he left me for.
In the beginning I was thinking why this is on IReallyLikeFood... until the last few paragraphs. I never avoided food because I love it too much. But I used to be anorexic looking, despite how much I ate. Could see most of my ribs. The only thing I stop eating for is when I study... then late at night I'd get a massive craving. I scoffed at "trashing my reputation, and being an all-around terrible person." :|
weren't you hypnotized?
I've lost my appetite over a break up before, but only for maybe a few days, never any serious length of time.
On a different note, my ex also remained best buddies with a guy that constantly made fun of me and said horrible things about me - straight to his face! Even worse though, instead of allowing me to avoid this person, he would TELL me all the horrible things he said about me, and then try to make me spend time with him - eating dinner or hanging out at the bar (these were particularly horrid - his friend had called me fat, and I'm supposed to be comfortable eating in front of him?!) or going to his stupid symphonic band concerts and recitals. If I tried to refuse these outings, my ex accused me of being antisocial, or, in the case of refusing the concert outings, of having no class or culture.
So anyway yeah, the first part of this article definitely spoke to me, and you're probably better off without him. And he definitely isn't worth giving up yummy food!
wow! I cant imagine starving over a BOY! I mean..... Seriously??
I stopped eating after a guy forced me to give him a blow job when I was fifteen, then again after I was raped by my coworker when I was 20.
I definitely didn't stop eating to be more attractive, but I didn't do it without thinking about it either, I did it to get a sense of control. Honestly when I started getting really thin - "Wow, my 00 pants are getting a little baggy..." it freaked me out really bad and I made myself start eating again.
I'm much healthier now but I notice that sometimes when I get really stressed out I have to force myself to eat, but I am by no means at an unhealthy weight.Once, when my ex and I broke up, I stopped eating. I was in college and without a ton of friends since I had focused on trying to keep in touch with him, being his girlfriend from a distance. Since I hardly had anyone to make me eat it was easy. Luckily, one of the few friends I had noticed and forced me to have a cookie in one of our classes
i knew who wrote this JUST from the title. shaaaame, lol
When my first serious boyfriend and I broke up, I was so upset I couldn't eat for the next two days. I gradually was able to eat again and my appetite is as large as normal now. I remember sitting in a restaurant the say after with my family and barely being able to eat a few pieces of lettuce. I felt so nauseous and hopeless.
Maybe I misunderstood your post, but it sounded like you were saying you became depressed after a breakup and lost your appetite. An eating disorder is it's own unique mental illness, which everyone would know if they actually opened a book. You just came off extremely ignorant in the post by using the word anorexic. Correct me if I'm wrong. Who am I to judge if someone's eating disorder is "better" or whatever than someone else's, right? I'm just wondering if you were being an idiot by using the phrase in complete ignorance, or if you just didn't elaborate on your experience whatsoever. Eating disorders carry with them a HUGE mental component--it's not just loss of appetite. It's an obsessive desire to lose weight through self-imposed starvation and, oftentimes, over exercising (in the case of anorexia, which you alluded to having when you used the phrase "anorexic".)
I'd really appreciate a response, though I doubt I'll get one.
I did this with my first boyfriend. I was like in love with him and he played me the entire time. When we broke up I didn't eat for 10 days because I was so upset. I only drank water in that time and took a sip of sprite. I lost a little over 10 pounds and was completely sickly, my mum had to start forcing me to eat. I guess I realized how bad it had gotten when I had no energy to move one day and my mom sat there and made me eat a nutrigrain bar while I cried my eyes out.
@Rose_Hikari@xanga - yes i was going to say the wording was off and could be construed as offensive.
other than that, i am holding my tongue on this one. i was really hoping this one WASNT written by her when i clicked the title :/ but it was, and she still sounds like her :/
@Insomnia_Pickles_XtraTomato@xanga - I wrote a whole comment in a really pissed-the-fuck-off tone and then I realized that everyone's eating disorder isn't exactly the same. Maybe she just didn't elaborate. But, then again, she could be one of the billions of people who think anorexic is an appropriate adjective to use in everyday language to describe the ordinary person. Which I find extremely offensive as it belittles the real disorder.
@Rose_Hikari@xanga - but i also cringed when she used "i'll kill myself" flippantly, or "i was going to commit suicide" because she couldn't eat at her favorite restaurant the last few posts... i realize she's probably (hopefully) not INTENDING to sound insensitive and ignorant, but as an intern, you think she would want to be a little more careful with precision of language...and i'm not even certain these are the most offensive aspects of her posts..
I stop eating when I am upset, and my husband left me when I was pregnant. I'm sure you can imagine the complications that brought on....
i'll tell you why, because this is real life, not a movie!
I never do that for another guy ever again. this sentence and the title are misleading. you stopped eating because you were depressed. unless you saw this as a way to get him back...Anorexia is a disease. You just don't wake up and become anorexic. That sounds so dumb....
i kind of agree. anorexia is a disease you battle your whole life. you can't just get it for a few months and get over it. it's a lot harder to get rid of than people think. you never actually get rid of it. it stays with you for your whole life.
Aww
This is so stupid. I was going to come out with some snarky bitch comment about how I'm bulimic to live up to ~*the love of my life's*~ model-dating expectations, and thereby undermine the suffering that comes with eating disorders in one callous, self-centred fell swoop, but I think you actually have me covered there.
One of many diagnostic criteria for actual eating disorders is that they are DELIBERATE, and you admitted yours was not, that it "just happened". That's just what happens to some people under stress. Is it unhealthy? Yes. Is it an eating disorder? Hell no. People need to learn that self-diagnoses like this are pure bullshit and they need to stop because it makes it hard to trust anyone who says they've suffered from an eating disorder, because it seems like 90% of people who say it were self-diagnosed, and 100% wrong about their diagnosis and met none of the required criteria and are essentially lying about having a serious illness. One, nothing about your story suggests you even met any of the criteria for the disorder anyway, and two, you KNOW it wasn't intentional, are you REALLY so ignorant to think that anyone who gets stressed and loses their appetite for a little bit has an EATING DISORDER? Or do you just NEED attention THAT badly?
@Rose_Hikari@xanga - technically, anorexia means loss of appetite, with anorexia nervosa referring to the illness. So although I fully understand where you're coming from, she did indeed experience anorexia, although not the eating disorder anorexia nervosa
She did have an eating disorder, you fucking idiots. Taken from http://www.nimh.nih.gov/:
What are eating disorders?An eating disorder is an illness that causes serious disturbances to
your everyday diet, such as eating extremely small amounts of food or
severely overeating. A person with an eating disorder may have started
out just eating smaller or larger amounts of food, but at some point,
the urge to eat less or more spiraled out of control. Severe distress or
concern about body weight or shape may also characterize an eating
disorder.
Eating disorders frequently appear during the teen years
or young adulthood but may also develop during childhood or later in
life.1,2 Common eating disorders include anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and binge-eating disorder.
Eating disorders affect both men and women. For the latest statistics on eating disorders, see the NIMH website.
It
is unknown how many adults and children suffer with other serious,
significant eating disorders, including one category of eating disorders
called eating disorders not otherwise specified (EDNOS). EDNOS includes
eating disorders that do not meet the criteria for anorexia or bulimia
nervosa. Binge-eating disorder is a type of eating disorder called
EDNOS.3 EDNOS is the most common diagnosis among people who seek treatment.4
Eating
disorders are real, treatable medical illnesses. They frequently
coexist with other illnesses such as depression, substance abuse, or
anxiety disorders. Other symptoms, described in the next section can
become life-threatening if a person does not receive treatment. People
with anorexia nervosa are 18 times more likely to die early compared
with people of similar age in the general population.5